WRITTEN SPEECH: Hi everyone. It is great to be with you here today. My name is Ryan Cassata. I use he/him pronouns. I am in graduate school at Pacific School of Religion studying for my Master in Divinity and Master of Arts in Social Transformation. I’ve been out for half of my life as queer and trans. I grew up in a conservative town on Long Island, NY which is Secatogue land and now live in Los Angeles, CA which is Tongva Land. In Los Angeles it feels mostly safe to be trans.
I am a trans person, who has had the privilege of having top surgery, and who is not on hormones. I don’t pass as cis frequently. Cis means someone who’s gender and sex are congruent with each other. I have always had white privilege and class privilege which has guaranteed me with some essential resources and care that weren’t available to other trans people (and not available to some cis people).
Acknowledging and recognizing my privileges is very important in the fight for equality and justice. Understanding my contexts, where I am taking up space, and where I am struggling to have my voice heard is important for me as a trans activist.
I need to start my talk with a content warning. This talk will contain sensitive topics that some may find triggering, including sexual and physical violence. There will be stories about discrimination and oppression that may be triggering for some. I will also be using some language that the queer community may find offensive or derogatory.
I realized I was queer when I was 12 years old, and trans soon after that. I started coming out to my select friend group and my mom when I was a young teenager. By the time I was 15, I was was called to go on International TV to talk about being trans. 2009 was a very different time for trans people. Not many people were out. Especially not young people. There were very little resources when I came out. Trans YouTube had only just begun and there were just a handful of videos from just a few trans guys. I joined them. It took weeks to get a chest binder that had to be shipped across the country. When I said I am transgender people would ask me what that meant? There was not even a basic understanding of the term back then. As far as surgery went, there were 6 surgeons in the entire country to pick from. I’m sure many of you know now that there are thousands of trans YouTubers, and probably hundreds if not thousands of surgeons. Some insurances even cover trans related care now.
At that time that I was coming out, I felt very alone in my experience. I felt isolated. Has anyone ever related to that feeling of being alone? That’s a devastating feeling.
That call to go on Larry King changed my life and it altered that feeling of being alone. I now had an opportunity to find others like me. Maybe I wasn’t actually alone? Maybe if I went on this TV show I would find other people like me? Maybe that feeling of isolation would go away. Maybe they longed to feel a sense of belonging too.
Before the call I thought I was better off staying in the closet. I figured it was too much to come out. It would be too much change for the people around me. Their happiness meant more than mine. But that’s NOT true.
My happiness matters. My truth matters. My queerness is NOT a burden. My authenticity is NOT a burden. These are beliefs I had to learn and I am still learning.
Coming out is a daily practice of authenticity. Practicing authenticity daily is not just for queer people through. It’s a practice that every individual can adopt. I’m sure that there are ways that all of us here could be more authentic.
I felt anxiety, excitement, and readiness all at once. I knew that I had to go on that show. I went from 10 people who were close to me knowing I’m trans, to the entire world knowing at once. I am believed to be the youngest trans guy on International TV at the time. That’s both a burden and a blessing.
A miracle happened following that appearance and I received letters from all over the world, from other trans people, proof that none of us were actually alone. We just thought we were. Those letters said things like: “before I saw you, I thought it was just me who felt like this….” “I’m so relieved to know I’m not the only one…” “I have never seen another trans guy before..”
My TV appearance also brought on more struggles for me. Now my school knew and they didn’t want me using the public bathrooms or going to gym class, which lead to me being thrown into the role of an activist, a young activist. As I organized petitions and led solo walkouts, I remembered that I had to do this in order to be authentic and in order to survive. I didn’t realize that what I was doing was impacting my school for the better. When I graduated school, all of those changes that I made, all of those battles that I had fought, they added up, And I won the 1st ever Harvey Milk Memorial Award. Politician and activist, Harvey Milk also graduated from my High School and he taught me to never blend in.
I was called to speak to other high schools and colleges all over the country, so I honored those calls too, and for a decade I’ve been doing this work and have seen many great changes happen for my community.
And while I was so young doing all of this activism work, my coping skills were bad because I wasn’t taught how to self care. I wish I had the coping skills I have now, back then, it would have saved me a lot of pain. I wish that I knew to take breaks and recharge. To be able to be a long term activist means to take breaks, practicing self care, and loving yourself. Because if we don’t, we can’t last. Activism work requires so much energy. So be sure charge up.
Activist and Author Audre Lorde says “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare.”
Young activists and change makers need to practice self care, including healing, and the practicing of self love, to avoid burnout. It’s the only way the revolution can continue. Caring for yourself in a world that doesn’t care for you is an act of radical self love. Through the writings of activist and author Sonya Renee Taylor I learned about radical self love. She asks “will we use our bodies to uphold system of oppression or defy them?” And I continuously remind myself of that question so I could become a better activist. Am I blending in for the comfort of cis people? Or am I being myself for my own comfort?
Those self-love practices are often hard to adopt when you are marginalized and oppressed. Our bodies are politicalized. Trans bodies are politicalized. Any body that doesn’t fit the white cis straight able-bodied Christian model that is dominant in our society is politicalized. That includes trans bodies. Growing up as a young trans guy I was taught that my body was the problem. I came to believe that my trans body called violence upon me.
I was conditioned to believe that any violence happening to me was part of being trans. And if I wanted to live my truth I had to pay for it. I was taught that my difference was too much for people so if they wanted to ask me insensitive questions or make rude, harmful comments that was okay. And I kept listening to these dehumanizing statements and they sunk in. I internalized transphobia from the cis people around me, and I came to the believe that “these bad things happening to me are my own fault” Why? Because I am trans. And I learned this, how? When I walk into a doctors office sick with a high fever and infection, and am turned away for being trans. And It didn’t even matter that I had insurance and a copay. When I’m bleeding from my skull on the floor, concussed at a concert in my hometown and the last words I remember hearing before I passed out are “faggot faggot faggot.” When my family member sends me to therapy to “change me back” because “she needs to be fixed, this is not normal.”
I was being taught that something is wrong with me. I was being taught that the violence is my fault. I was being taught that my body is the problem.
Trans people often internalize and adopt the cis-normative and transphobic values of cis people. We do this not only to be accepted, but also for our own safety. It’s survival. Many of us do this without even recognizing that we are doing it. We have to recognize this, and unlearn this exclusionary belief system, in order to be authentic and free, in order to be happy, in order to live without shame, in order to radically love ourselves one day, in order to challenge the powers that be and change the system. Unlearning an old belief system is one step towards radical self-love and many steps aways from self-hate.
I internalized that being trans was the reason I’ve been beaten, raped, assaulted, discarded, kicked out, disregarded. And those feelings weighed heavily on me for over a decade. Until eventually I became empowered enough to realize: These attacks on my body and psyche are not my fault. My body is not the problem. My trans body is not the problem. Your trans body is not the problem. Their trans body is not the problem. Her trans body is not the problem. His trans body is not the problem. Trans bodies are not the problem.
The broken system is the problem, the broken system that devalues trans and queer bodies, devalues people of color, the broken system that upholds racism and sexism, and capitalism, the broken system that is there to keep the white cis straight able-bodied christian male in power and control. Trans bodies are not the problem. Cis-normativity and the lack of care for trans bodies is the problem. Trans bodies are beautiful.
We are filled with Love. Hope. Dreams. Visions. Authenticity.
We are human. And we all deserve love. We deserve equal opportunity. We deserve kindness and respect. We deserve safety. We deserve to be able to walk into public spaces without fearing for our lives. We deserve to be treated by doctors and not turned away. We deserve to be in public spaces like pubic bathrooms without being kicked out and harassed. We deserve for the police to listen to us and for the justice system to actually provide us with justice. We deserve to have our needs met, our basic needs, and beyond our basic needs. We deserve to have the same care that the oppressor gets so easily and freely just because of their privilege and power and dominance. Trans bodies deserve care.
Trans bodies are not the problem. And I didn’t know that for so long. I walked around thinking I deserved violence. I walked around thinking I was the problem. I’ve spent the last half of a decade trying to unlearn internalized transphobia. I’ve spent years and years trying to heal from self-hatred. I’ve come along way and still have a long way to go. Healing is a life-long journey. But that healing starts with the letting go of shame and letting go of the idea that my body is a “bad” body. Because every body is a good body, and every body deserves care and love. I had to heal enough to believe that my body is valuable and loved. That my body is a good body, a deserving body, a worthy of love body. I had to heal enough to know that I am NOT broken because I am trans. I had to heal enough to become empowered.
I have had to learn that self-love is a radical act and that radical act is a mode of activism. So…I will no longer apologize for my trans body. I will no longer apologize for existing. I will not apologize for making cis-folks uncomfortable while I challenge the system that oppresses me by being visibly trans, by being authentically me, by being outspoken, by waving my flag - light blue, white and light pink, with pride. I will not apologize for challenging the beliefs that keep the oppressors in power, and the oppressed oppressed. I will not apologize for correcting pronouns over and over again. I will not apologize for my scars on my chest. I will not apologize for changing my name. I will not apologize for the way my voice sounds without testosterone. I will not apologize for calling out transphobia publicly.
We are taught to hate our bodies, to blame our bodies, to demonize trans bodies, to adapt to the standards of cis bodies and to adopt cis ideals and beliefs, to blend in with the cis-tem, or as I like to call it the C space, I space, S space, system.
I invite and encourage all of you to challenge those systems. I invite and encourage you to resist the urge to blend in. I encourage you to love yourself unconditionally, to be authentically you, to love your body, to love what is different about you. I invite you to challenge the system of oppression that is holding us back and to challenge that system with love and education. And to start doing that by radically loving yourself and realizing that you belong here, just as much as they belong here.
I’ve seen real changes happen for the trans community in my lifetime. I’ve been doing this for 15 years now. I’ve seen change. Change is happening. More change is coming. I have 100% faith in that. We are becoming more visible. We are becoming louder and stronger. We will not sit down. We will only stand up. Stand up. Stand up. Please stand up. For your sake. For our sake. Keep marching forward, loving your trans body, and the trans bodies around you. Speak up. Speak out. Use your voice. Lift the voices of those living on the margins. This means ally’s too, we need cis-people to challenge these systems too. Challenge those systems of oppression. One way to do this is to introduce yourself with your name and pronouns. This shows trans people that they are safe with you. I invite you to join me. Because we are meant to thrive, not just survive.
Harvey Milk says "Freedom is too enormous to be slipped under a closet door.” One act of being vocal when faced with transphobia, one act of radical self-love at a time, we change the system…we march towards that freedom. The trans community needs all of you, all of us. As anti-trans legislation is being introduced all over the country, as trans people struggle to have basic rights, and to have our basic needs met, we need you to rise up, stand up, speak out, challenge the system. Together we can make change. And it starts with radical self love. Thank you.